Cant fight this Feeling
by Jackia
Summary: Title say it all...


**I Can't Fight the Feeling Anymore**  
  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The Character don't belong to me. Please don't sue me, I don't have money! I hope you like this FF,. Also the song doesn't belong to me either. Words & Music belong to Kevin Cronin....Reviews are appreciated. On, with the Story...

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_ "Do you love her?"  
"Yes..."_

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After all of that has happen between us, I finally said the words out loud. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I don't regret saying them out loud, but I do regret that I didn't say them before or say it to her. How many times was she hoping to hear those words out of my mouth and I was a coward, always fearing the future instead of taking a chance and finding out for myself. I needed this. I needed to think to myself, drive my car and just let the road take me.

_I can't fight this feeling any longer  
and yet I'm still afraid to let it flow  
what started out as friendship, has grown stronger  
_ _ I only wish I had the strength to let it show_

What a song to match my mood tonight. The lyrics seem to call to me. I fought the feeling for so long that I don't know if I'll be able to get her back. Was she ever mine? She could have been, but I was a fool and let her go? God, we go way back. So many wasted years. I remember when we meet as we were leaving the Rose Garden. When I first saw her I thought it was Diane. When did friendship become Love?

_ I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I said there is no reason for my fear  
Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear_

She has changed my life since that moment. She saved me so many times. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be where I am at the moment. I shudder to think what would have been of me if she wasn't in my life. I could be in jail or maybe even death. I wouldn't even have Mattie.

_And even as I wander  
I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window  
On a cold, dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_

Every time I needed her she was there. She didn't even think twice to open that door when I was a fugitive. She didn't hesitate when I asked for her help. When did I fall for her? I think I been on love with her forever. I hadn't figured this out until it was too late to have something with her.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever_

She gave me the opportunity but I threw it away. Sidney is one of my biggest mistakes, but it made me learn. How did things get so messy from there? When the embassy was attacked I felt like my word was falling. I don't know what I would have done if something might had happen to her.

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Come crushing through your door  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore_

Some how I made things worst. Then, everything was going slowly better. We were back at the beginning. Bud had his accident and she held me when I started crying. A man doesn't cry right? Yet she has seen me cry more than anyone. We were together and somehow I knew everything was going to be alright. She does that to me. One smile or one look, is all I need.

_ My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you  
I've been running round in circles in my mind  
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl  
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find_

When the news that she and Webb were missing, I felt like my word was crashing in front of me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I had to follow her. Nothing else mattered for me. I had to find her. She wasn't another one of my so called 'obsessions' she was the woman I loved, the woman I LOVE.

_ And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_

Once I got her out, I became the jerk I usually am around her. I was jealous! I was getting read to let go, and then she kissed him! I knew it was an overwhelming experience, but I couldn't control the anger I was feeling. I was ready to lay out all my feelings for her and she was kissing other guys. To top it all of we were ready to go home and she said we never work. I knew no relationship would work after I meet Mac, not even Annie....and after what happened with Brumby and my crash I thought we had a future. Ok, maybe joining the CIA and not answering her calls was a bad way to deal with my loss, but she is the woman I love...and as corny this might sound she is my soul mate...good thing no one can read minds.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever_

Getting fired from the CIA, meeting Mattie and then going back to Jag seemed like a good thing. We had a kind of a friendship, maybe not much of what we had before, but at least we were getting close. I know I hurt her when I told her about me becoming Mattie's guardian. I was stupid to think she wouldn't help me. When she appeared on that court I let myself fall in love with her again. Sadik came to hurt her and I felt so helpless that I couldn't help her. I failed her again, like so many times.

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
And if I have to crawl upon the floor  
Come crushing through your door  
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore._

We currently are getting better, but I had to act as a jerk when she was helping me solve that drug case. I felt like breaking the British's nose so many times. I think this time I might lose her for good. The song ends and all I can think about is that I we can't like this. I can't give her up. My car turns to the road known very good to us. I most be out of my mind, is really late, maybe I shouldn't go. I really hope Webb isn't there with her. Ok, I'm finally here. I can't move my legs.  
All the way in the elevator my heart beats like every time I'm about to fly a Tomcat. Part of me is telling me to go home, yet there is still that little voice in my head that keeps on telling me to tell her before is too late. I'm standing in front of her door. This is it. I can't bring my hand to knock the door. Ok is now or never. I knock the door, I hear her footsteps coming. "Harm? Is something wrong?" "No Mac, I just had to tell you....that...I can't fight this feeling anymore. I love you....I'm in love with you..."  
  
THE END

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I hope you like this FF please let me know if you like it. Thanks for reading.....Jackia 


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